I wait until my roommate is away for the weekend to clean, so I can throw things away that she hoards without her noticing.


 
In high school, I figured out how to get on the school's roof. I showed a few people and the first time they went up they got suspended...but I didn't.


 
In middle school I would sharpie this annoying boy's name all over the school so that he would get in trouble for graffiti. The worst part: I'm totally not sorry


 
Sometimes I throw out salad dressings i find in the breakroom fridge


 
It was me who put your bras in the freezer.


 
I lied. I'm actually not registered to vote, but I didn't need your lecture.


 
I bonk manspreaders on the subway with my purse and make it look like an accident. It's never an accident.


 
I saw you leave your trash in the break room three days in a row, so I threw away your lunch after you put it in the fridge this morning.


 
I don't think your bf is funny. At all. I wish u'd stop screenshotting his texts and sending them to me.


 
I took a shortcut during a 5k race to avoid the big hill.


 
I don't know you, but you were rude to the old lady at the laundromat, so when you left I opened ur dryer so it would time out &ur clothes wouldn't dry & u'd have to pay again.


 
I used to work at a Disneyworld food cart& was supposed to throw out the hot pretzels every hr. Instead I'd hide from the cameras & eat them, feed them to the birds, or give them to guests for free.


 
My roommate always leaves her shoes out right in the middle of the front door and I always trip on them. So now when she does it I put them bottom-down on her bed.


 
I wish I could subtly let my ex know about the people I've hooked up with since we broke up,,because ze would be SO jealous.


 
YOU SUCK. ---someone who h8s you, you know who u are


 
I asked you to prom and told my bf you asked me. She still doesn't know I stole you. --a bad friend


 
I. HATE. WEED. But I pretend I don't so you'll like me 😫 I wish you weren't such a stoner


 
I intentionally post unflattering pics of my prettiest friend on IG


 
I hate reading. But I want my gf to think I'm smart so I watch the movie versions of the books she reads


 
I still love you
-me


 
cheated on the SATs. Twice.


 
My mom gave me $10 for makeup and I shoplifted the makeup and kept the $10 - a thief